Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Unsung Heroes of Transit System

Everyday, I take the New York City subway to work. It’s also not a secret that the New York City subway system is littered with street performers. Many of the performers are commissioned by the Music Under New York program that’s set up by the MTA. Some are commissioned by local churches to preach about the horrors that await you on judgment day. However, there are still plenty of performers who do it for the thrill. Sure they throw a hat in front of them and ask you to “donate,” but what’s a few cents to hear a seemingly poor person crank out some tunes on an electric guitar and amp accompanied by a beat on an iPod? And let’s not forget the group of individuals who enter a subway car with a bongo, start dancing, and are finished with enough time to not only impress you with their skill but ask for donations to their “youth group” before exiting the subway a station later. At times I’m impressed by the skill of some of these performers, and sometimes I’m appaled by it. However, there are three along my particular route that I feel deserve special mention. For (mostly) good and bad reason.

#3. The Boar

Is this his name? Probably not, but I gave it to him because he resembles…yup, you guessed it…a boar. I know; it’s terrible and offensive, but I’m gonna roll with it. He also rocks a pony tail similar to Randolph from Free Willy. Anyways, The Boar plays for the idealogical reason that I’ve come up with in my head: the thrill. He has no sign or plea, but sets up shop along a construction site and starts blasting the same 2 chords on an acoustic guitar that has many holes in it. In fact, I would not be surprised if this was a “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” kind of situation. So The Boar blasts a C chord followed by an G chord repeatedly. What’s better is that he tries to pull off making it seem like he’s performing "Master Exploder" So by now you may be asking “well what song is he playing? Is it an original piece?” And the answer to that is: I have no idea. I’m assuming it is because after listening to this gentlemen for months now, I am yet to understand a single lyric. I have come to the conclusion that he is not singing any words, but rather sounds like the result of someone plugging their nose, sticking out their tongue, and saying “ahhhhh.” I do want the best for him, and I hope he one DAY finds the words to SAY what he MAY be feeling inside. That should be his bridge.

#2 Luke Ryan

Luke is a guitarist that is commissioned in the MUNY program. He usually performs underneath Grand Central Terminal by the S train, and has more of a Southern twang sound. Unlike The Boar, however, Luke is actually not too bad. He breaks out a few smooth solos and accompanies them with some warm riffage. He also has CD’s available for purchase (I have not bought one…yet). What makes him so unique though is his character. For one, he looks like a combination of Rocco from The Boondock Saints with a biker vest and Mick Foley. Next, he has a sign with him at all times that reads “Too Weird To Live, Too Mean To Die.” I don’t know about you, but a guy that carries a (almost) Hunter S. Thompson quote with him must be, at the very least, intriguing. Not to mention the names of his songs being things like “Weasel Slapper.” Lastly, in between songs, Luke talks to the crowd with the same personality as the guy running the water shooting game at a carnival. I’m not talking about the dunking booth guy that purposely gets you pissed off so you spend more money. I’m talking about the water shooting guy that delivers compliments in a creepy voice and makes you wonder what exactly his intentions are (i.e. at a couple: “hey guy, c’mon and win a prize for your girlfriend. She’s got a backside that deserves one.”). When Luke talks to the crowd, especially to women who are appalled by him, it’s nothing short of hilarious. If you see him, he may offer you the opportunity to guess his weight for a nickel or partake in a conga line. Rock on, Luke.

# 1 The Apparition

I have seen him twice, maybe three times, but once I wanted to hear his music again and try to pin down what he sounds like, he was gone. TA (as he will be known for now) is the best musician I’ve heard in the subway system…ever. From what I remember of him, he wielded an acoustic guitar and had a very depressed tone in his music. Think Johnny Cash's version of "Hurtwith a voice between Mr. Cash and Sufjan Stevens. What makes his tale even better his that he would ONLY play music when facing a column! When turned around and facing people, he would simply stand there, but after a quick break he would turn back around, face steel, and break out into melody. As I said, I’ve only had the pleasure two or three times before he pulled a Keyser Soze and vanished. Believe me, if he comes back, I’ll be excited.

Where did you go???

Monday, January 18, 2010

Entering the Ring standing at 6 feet zero inches and weighing in at 190 lbs, Jose Offerman

Is it just me or does this whole Jose Offerman umpire attack remind you of some cheap scripted WWE bit? It almost seems as if Jose Offerman is the guest host of Monday Night Raw and throws a terrible scripted punch at Mr. Umpire (wait that’s a terrible wrestling name, how about the Abominable Vagina after the way he dropped to the floor as a result of that half hearted punch). Mr. Umpire, being a professional wrestler and all, has to follow the script despite the weak blow and falls to the mat (or in WWE terms, he is knocked out cold and his career seems in jeopardy, only later on in the show he and his crew of umpires interfere with a match and get revenge on Offerman, setting up the plot line for next month's pay-per-view event!!!!!!!). I think the WWE should definately look into bringing Mr. Offerman aboard. After all, we are talking about the guy who once attacked the opposing team's pitcher with a bat. Mr. McMahon, please get on this for our sake as viewers and for Jose's sake, for I don't think he will be having a job much longer.

P. S. Yes, I did just make a post about Wrestling. The fourth grade version of me is Ecstatic right now!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Jersey Shore- Your Guilty Pleasure

I'm back. Haven't blogged in a while, vacation suddenly started to get busy. I figured I would take some time out of my day and write, because I miss it. Being the only girl blogger on this site I figured I would discuss a topic a little girlier than most topics that the boys blog about. Although I am a hockey fan, having played for about 10 years, I still don't know much about teams and drafts (GO BRUINS!). I love movies too, but we all know Mike has got us covered with movie facts. BUT I do know a lot about television. (NOT all that late night junk because my bedtime is far earlier) I really like reality shows. Don't judge me for my trashy taste in television, I'm not who I seem. I love shit TV. Real Housewives of Orange County (and all the others), Real World, all those dating shows- I Love _____ whoever, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, IDK anything reality. The funny thing is- I hate all of those people. ALL of them. And if you knew me well you would know that I am not like a single housewife or guidette. But there is something about watching a fabulous life of a filthy rich woman who I learn to despise or a overly tanned, blowout sporting, steroidal guido who lives off of jager. I want to introduce to you a show which all of you have heard about, some of you watch, and few of you plan out your Thursdays so that you are home in time to watch it- the Jersey Shore. This show has grown on me. From day one I was mesmerized watching these tools and I want to show you why.

1. Nicole or Snooki
You all know her. Don't ever tell me you haven't watched this show because you have and you LOVE it. Snooki is actually friends with my friend from SHU which is awesome. When I first watched the show with her I hated Snooki (like I hated everyone else) but she was sloppy, WAY too tan, and she had witch hair down to her ass. Snooki’s goal is to “Move to the Jersey Shore nice, juiced, hot, tan guy”. Anyway after the first episode she started to grow on me. She fell down those stairs that lead up to the roof like I don't even know how many times and she can dance like an animal. One thing about her though is that she continuously cannot seem to find a guy to fuck. ALL she wants to do is fuck and she's had her chances... it's just never happened. Poor snooks, or snickers (whatever the rest of the cast calls her) Snooks got rocked in the face by a huge fraternity jock and then continued to somehow get herself into catfights. Also, last episode a roommate told her she didn't need to have another roll at dinner because she already had enough. Snooki has gotten quite a beating throughout this show, will someone just please fuck her already?

2. Ronnie.
There's not much to Ronnie except for his perfect body. I do not understand how these guidos can be the ugliest yet the hottest all at the same time. Whatever. Ronnie's #1 rule before he came on the show was to "not fall in love down the Jersey Shore", yeah that worked out well for you buddy. You were gun hoe Sammi the fuckin first week you were there. Pussy. He's gotten into I don't even know how many fights and recently got arrested for knocking some guy out then running down the street screaming- "That's one shot! That's one shot!" Of course he gave the cops the self defense excuse but I mean comon you fuckin BOLTED after that guy. Gimme a break. All guidos should be exiled.

3. Sammi.
Sammi "Sweetheart". Really? RIIIIGHT. I know you're not as bad as "J WOWW", but you are a HUGE bitch. How can someone run around telling everyone "I'm the sweetest bitch you'll eva meet" when you say- "This little shrimp thing is like bopping all around, on the circle and like doing her thing, doing backwards flips with her thong hanging out; her whole crotch is in the air." (talking about poor little Snooks dancing) aww, that's really sweet, Sammi Sweetheart. God, these fuckin kids need an etiquette class. Like really? Half of them aren't even kids anymore they're like 27-29 grow up already! Anyways, before Ronnie,"her number one mission is to go out, find the hottest guido and take him home" Such goals. Your parents must be proud! By the way SAMMI, I lovedddd watching Ronnie toss you on the boardwalk. Bitch.

4. Mike. "The Situation".
We all hate Mike. Everyone who watches hates Mike. His self-proclaimed name "The Situation" is disturbing. What is "The Situation" you ask? Well, his "abs are so ripped up, we call it the situation". YUP. That’s how it started then it went from abs to everything being the situation. He even refers to himself in the third person as The Situation saying that "The Situation sits at the head of the table". I am just so astounded as to how he actually GETS girls. These girls must be really stupid. I mean his daily activities everyday are gym, tanning, laundry. WHICH might I add, have come to be an acronym- GTL. "GTL baby all day". Such high goals these guys have. Besides talking a big game about fighting and such, he is the root of all problems and has yet to hit one person. They have shown him actually walking away from a fight. God, the situation. WHAT SITUATION! There’s nothing there, you 27 buddy, it’s time to grow up. I don't know.

5. Jenni or J WOWW.
J WOWW. This girl has to be the trashiest looking one on the show. She has blonde and black hair and wears the oddest sorts of outfits with the fakest of boobs. One of my favorite lines out of her mouth was- “After I have sex with a guy I will rip his head off” Well then J WOWW, I’m sure every guy in America wants you now! After cheating on her boyfriend with 29 year old DJ Pauly D, who yes, showed her his penis piercing, she decided to tell her boyfriend about what she had done and then continued to act just as slutty as before. Exhibit A of her trashiness was PUNCHING “The Situation” in the face after he didn’t walk her back to the hotel room in AC . The club ended up being in THE SAME HOTEL. Give “The Situation” a break, “The Situation” just wanted to get some sweet transvestite ass before “The Situation” ‘s night was over. But whatever, fights make good TV so I’m not complaining. She also beats bitches up so I guess she’s pretty cool in my book.

6. Pauly D. or DJ Pauly D.
Pauly is the only house member from the beautiful state of Rhode Island. He is actually a well known DJ in that state, but probably only because it is so small. He did ACTUALLY say that “Guidettes cream in their pants when they hear my music”. Your music? It’s not even your music Pauly! You’re a DJ who mixes other people’s music. EW. Anyways Pauly has a GIGANTIC tattoo down his side that says Cadillac and a huge crest with Italian flag colors on his back, plus many more. His kids will be so happy when they are grown up and looking at daddy with his Cadillac tattoos. Pauly is the FULL BLOWN guido of the house by far. He packed an entire suitcase full of hair gel and accompanies Mike on his GTL trips. Pauly actually has a stalker who’s this Israeli chick that is obsessed with him after hanging with him once. She even got him a shirt that said I Love Jewish Girls and gave it to him when he was with a group of different girls on the boardwalk! HAHA I live for this shit, it’s classic and seriously hilarious. Pauly has a tanning bed in his house at home and is just living the dream down the Jersey Shore. GOD. These people are pathetic.

7. Vinny.
I love Vinny. Vinny is adorable and your typical Italian mama’s boy. He’s a gentleman never getting into fights with anyone, but seems to sometimes get picked on by Mike. His eyebrows are perfect and he enjoys a good fist pump now and then. Because Vinny doesn’t get into too many problems on the show we don’t see too much of him EXCEPT when put his face in a woman’s fat ass and ended up getting pink eye from it. Ahhh there’s nothing better than some pink eye.

8. Angelina.
Yea. I saved her for last because she sucks. The girl left the show because of no reason, but just because she wanted too. WHY’D YOU EVEN COME THEN YOU STUPID SLUT! I WOULDA WENT! Stupid. Anyways, she considers herself to be “the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island, baby.” Cute, really cute. She continues to tell Mike- “Look at me! Look at me!” when she tries to convince him she is ALL natural. Hit the gym, chunky. Yeah you are all natural we can see it! Now put it away! Gross. HAHA I almost forgot- she told the cast to call her Jolie because normally people call her Jolie, well ya know because her and Angelina share the same name. YEAH! Along with all the other Angelina’s out there! Do you ACTUALLY THINK YOU ARE ANYTHING LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE? Fucking loser. Anyways, Angelina left the show to be with her boyfriend who didn’t really seem to care much about her to begin with- you can now see why.

WELL- if your brain isn’t bleeding by now then I hope that picture at least put the icing on the cake for you. This blog isn’t condoning any of their behavior as normal, but just to put it bluntly- it’s hilarious. I don’t think I have laughed this much during a TV show in a long time. It’s funny because they are serious, DEAD serious. Well, if you haven’t watched this show by now, you at least have to watch the finale- Thursday night at 10 on what else but MTV or (trashTV). :)

Exclusive Interview With Carson Daly.

While the rest of the entertainment world is focusing on Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien, The Common Room decided to take time and sit down with the man forgotten in the shuffle, Carson Daly.

The former host of MTV's Total Request Live has been hosting Last Call With Carson Daly since 2002. When it was announced that Conan was going to move from Late Night to take over The Tonight Show, Carson Daly made it publicly known he was interested in taking over Late Night. Instead, he was passed over for Jimmy Fallon.

With all the changes coming to the Late Night lineup, the only thing that seems definite is that Carson will lose his show when the dust settles. With that in mind, we sat down with Carson to discuss the recent events.

TCR: How are you Carson?

CD: Well, I've been better, to be honest.

TCR: I can imagine. With all the hype surrounding Conan and Jay, how do you keep doing your job without getting distracted?

CD: Well, to be honest with you, it cuts me real deep. I've been in this family since 2002, and it is now 2010. I have given my all to this network and now they treat me like I am still a nobody.

TCR: Let me stop you right there.

CD: Why?

TCR: Because nobody cares.

We'd like to thank Carson Daly for stopping by The Common Room.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Kimmel: Alot, Leno: 0

I've never really thought one way or the other about Kimmel (other than his phenomenal work on The Man Show and Win Ben Stein's Money). I always assumed he was funny seeing as that his show survives (which I guess is a testament to his writers as well). But this video sealed it for me. To go on Leno's show and continuously bitchslap him everytime Leno opened his mouth takes balls. Well done, Jimmy.

You Don't Know Me and I intent to change that.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Why NBC Sucks.

How can you get rid of something like that?

Godspeed, Conan.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Liveblog from PSC 142: Western Political Theory from Plato to Hobbes

So I just finished my last class in my collegiate career this past December, and I figured I would liveblog from my last class ever.

6:30 Class starts.

6:34 I arrive four minutes late...right on time.

6:37 4 people have arrived after me, this is unacceptable, I am almost always the last person to class, except for weird glasses girl, who consistently shows up at 7 for a 6:30 class.

6:39 Professor is talking about sororities.

6:40 We are hearing about her innumerable traffic violations for the umpteenth time, but she is one of the best drivers in Great Neck (self-proclaimed, I am waiting on verification)

6:44 75% of our class is in attendance, about 40% above the norm.

6:45 She is telling us the exact same story from last week, word for word, impressive.

6:50 The kid in my class who is the poster child for nerds everywhere just left, and I want to knock his books off of his desk.

6:52 I refrain

6:55 Nerd boy returns, he was probably reorganizing his pens in his backpack

6:56 8 people have now entered after me, this is probably because we have our term paper due today, weird glasses girl is still a no show.

7:00 7 people are on their laptops, excluding myself. 5 on facebook (one on Farmville) 1 playing poker and one actually taking notes. 3 people sleeping, 2 side conversations, and 2 gingers here, I think they are twins, gingers scare me.

7:06 A girl with a voice deeper than mine just said she thinks about indigestion when she eats. I don’t know how many more ways she could turn a person off.

7:09 When did we decide that raising hands to answer questions in college was a bad idea?

7:10 We just started the fourth and final book in our syllabus with 45 minutes left in our last class, no joke

7:17 We are now on Ch. 6 of Hobbes Leviathan. Just over a chapter a minute thus far, maybe we will get out early

7:18 Side story (Americas smartest shopper), we’re not getting out early

7:19 Smarty Pants Metro Mcgoo just stolled in as the 9th person A.D. (After David)

7:22 We have commenced talking about the different types of zombies

7:25 the second person just left early, I want to leave, but then this blog would be incomplete

7:26 We are on chapter 13, I think I missed something while I was watching my neighbor post on Cindy’s wall. I can’t wait til finals are over either neighbor

7:31 24 minutes left in my last class at Hofstra University (hopefully)

7:33 One of the gingers left for the bathroom, a few moments of peace, it is ironic that she left just as Professor Feldman mentioned Salem witches.

7:36 Ginger girl is back, she looks unhappy, that makes me happy

7:43 the entire row against the wall is asleep

7:46 Single digits left in my final class at this place

7:47 Professor is looking for a quote that took her an hour to find the other night, I am not a particularly organized person, but wouldn’t it make sense to maybe mark the spot?

7:50 The window to this class is always open, but the temperature remains around a cool 90 degrees, I think this may be a portal to hell.

7:51 my last class here is dismissed.

David Backes: American Hero

David Backes is an American professional hockey player currently playing for the St. Louis Blues. On New Years, David had the privilege to be named to the USA Olympic Hockey Team.

Since then, he has shown what it means to be a true American hero.

The night after he was named to the Olympic Roster, Backes and the Blues took on the Chicago Blackhawks. During that game, David fought Canadian Olympian Jonathan Toews.

A mere five nights later, David and the Blues travelled to Anaheim to take on the Ducks. When he looked up and down the roster, he had a myriad of Olympians to beat down. Backes chose sniper Corey Perry, another Canadian, and beat him down.

If you think Backes was finished there, you are terribly wrong. Another five nights had passed and David Backes was thirsting for Canadian blood. When the Columbus Blue Jackets strolled into St. Louis earlier tonight, Backes knew what he had to do. Take out Canadian superstar Rick Nash. Needless to say, an American Hero like David Backes does not ever not accomplish his mission.

America is going through a tough time right now, nobody can doubt that. However, with heroes like David Backes on our side, we will be fine.

Thank you, David.

Monday, January 11, 2010

So I have been absent from the blog for a while, and for that I apologize, but I was perusing the world wide web yesterday and came across this gem of a video. See if you can find anything racist about this Australian KFC commercial.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

5 Reasons I Love Hockey

My favorite sports blog in the universe is Puck Daddy. It is a hockey blog written by Greg Wyshynski on Yahoo! Sports. Every week he asks someone to give 5 reasons they love hockey. Out of respect for Greg and his work, here are the five reasons I love hockey.

1. Nassau Coliseum

Say what you want about the old barn. The one concourse (yes Nassau Veteran's Memorial Coliseum has only one concourse), the fact that it is in need of repair ASAP, or the fact that it could be the ugliest looking arena in sports history from the outside, but I dare you to find a place with better sight lines in every seat. The upper bowl at the coliseum is not really an upper bowl, but more like an extended lower bowl. From every seat, you can see everything. Also, when the coliseum sells out for a big game, or for the play-offs there is not a better barn in hockey. It is built like one of the old school arenas from the eighties, it is small and noise does not escape into a maze of concourses, or shopping centers, or anything. The place legitimately shakes when it gets loud.

2. Hockey Holidays

a.k.a the draft, the frenzy, and the deadline

Since I was in 8th grade, I've played hooky every trade deadline day . Because for some reason, Steve Montador for Petteri Nokelainen sounds so exciting coming out of Darren Dreger's mouth. Or maybe because its when you know if your team is going to exhaust all options to make it to the post-season. Or maybe its because you love Ryan Smyth and when the Islanders traded for him on February 27, 2007. You ran downstairs from your room screaming "Captain Canada is coming! Captain Canada is coming!" much like a certain Revolutionary did back in the late 1700's.

The NHL draft is the perfect thing to get back in the hockey spirit after the cup champion is anointed. The draft has a little bit of everything, jockeying, trades, and teenage boys being courted by middle-aged men. The draft is where the teams that finished at the bottom have something to cheer about for the first time in months. It is where each GM has his own plan, and it usually is don't let Brian Burke manipulate you.

Then there is July 1. That is also the date of my parent's anniversary, so when they go out to celebrate their anniversary, I stay in, glued to my computer, waiting to see who's going where. On July 1, 2007, the man who brought me to tears a few months earlier, brought me to tears again, this time they were tears of sadness. On that day, I saw Tom Poti, Viktor Kozlov, Jason Blake, and Ryan Smyth all leave the Island. Who were they replaced by? Jon Sim, Bill Guerin, Ruslan Fedotenko, and Mike Comrie. Presently, only Sim is still an Islander. Thats the kind of day July 1st is. It is filled with excitement and movement, but you really won't know if its a good day or a bad day for a long time.

3. Goalie Masks

No other position player in sports has more artistic freedom in sports than NHL goaltenders. In today's age, NFL players are fined for wearing their socks too low. In our beautiful league, we have 60 goalies with 60 very different masks. I love seeing what new designs goalies have when they switch teams. There is something about Patrick Lalime’s Marvin the Martian, Johan Hedberg’s Moose, and of course Ed Belfour’s Eagle that tickle my fancy in a big way.

4. The Brotherhood

No other sport in the world is as quirky as hockey. With that being the case, talking hockey is one of my favorite activities in the world. No matter who it is, if two people who are die-hard fans spot each other a conversation will immediately follow. Hockey fans are not as easy to come by as baseball or football fans, and while those two sports certainly dominate the airwaves there is nothing like a solid, intelligent hockey conversation. Since ESPN has yet to tarnish hockey with asinine statistics, it is usually pure, passionate, and intelligent.

5. Stick Tapping

No other sound can give me goose bumps like the sound of a bunch of sticks tapping against the boards. Playing goalie in a men’s league with a bunch of my friends during my senior year of high school may be the time of my life. We finished we a 2-8 record but we upset the defending champs in front of a raucous crowd one night in January. After I made a flurry of saves, the only sound I could hear was the sound of about 13 sticks hitting against the boards. Little moments like that, make hockey.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Trunk Monkey

I'm investing in one of these! They are going to be the future of car protection. I've uploaded the chaperone edition, but there are many editions of the trunk monkey (mostly security) anyways, I leave you with one clip. Go trunk monkey, GO!

carry on...