PARMA, Ohio – Police near Cleveland say a man dressed as Santa Claus tried to kidnap a 12-year-old girl walking to school.
Anthony Russo was later arrested wearing the Santa suit, complete with pillow and beard, and carrying a sack, a large box of candy canes and a unicycle with Christmas decorations.
Parma Police Capt. Robert DeSimone says the 46-year-old Russo, of Brook Park, is jailed pending charges expected to be filed Thursday.
DeSimone says Russo was hiding in bushes Wednesday in costume and jumped out at the girl. He says Russo tried to get the girl into the bushes, but she walked away. DeSimone says the man followed the girl and grabbed her arm before she entered a store and reported the encounter to a worker.
Police say Russo was arrested on a transit bus.
Okay, lets just ignore the fact this guy dressed as Santa, hid in the bushes, and tried to kid nap a girl. What I want to focus on instead is the fact that this guy was fucking riding around on a unicycle. This man tried to kidnap someone on a unicycle. How the fuck is that supposed to work? Where was he going to put her after he completed the kidnapping? His lap? The Sack? If this girl did in fact get kidnapped, I would not be upset, just really impressed that someone kidnapped someone else on a unicycle.
Merry Christmas!
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