Monday, November 23, 2009

Why Christian Bale's Life Sucks.

Honestly, it probably rocks. But I do believe he must be a frustrated individual, as is evidenced by his outburst on the set of Terminator Salvation, for he is a good actor but he gets out-acted in every movie. So without further ado, here is the Christian Bale Scale.

Movie: Newsies
Bale's Role: Jack 'Cowboy' Kelly
Out-Actor: Dean Portman
Verdict: Bale is pretty awesome in Newsies. But Dean Portman is a bash brother. Sorry Chris.

Movie: Pocahontas
Bale's Role: Thomas, the englishman who kills that indian who likes Pocahontas
Out-Actor: The Fuhrer Himself, Mel Gibson
Verdict: This was a tough call but Adolf, er, Mel does a good job singing all those songs.

Movie: Shaft
Bale's Role: Walter Wade Jr.
Out-Actor: Samuel L. Jackson
Verdict: No explanation necessary, "L" has Bale by leaps and bounds in both life and on set.

Movie: Batman Begins
Bale's Role: Batman
Out-Actor: Michael Caine and Gary Oldman
Verdict: This one was the closest one. Bale does a real good job in this movie. However, Oldman and Caine do a better job in this underrated film.

Movie: The New World
NOTE- This movie sucked. It could possibly be the worst movie I have ever seen. It made Big Fat Liar look like an Oscar winner.

Movie: 3:10 To Yuma
Bale's Role: Dan Evans
Out-Actor: Russell Crowe
Verdict: Gritty, gutty Western. The two main characters are cowboys and both are portrayed by foreigners. Oddly enough, they both sell it, Crowe wins on sheer guts.

Movie: The Dark Knight
Bale's Role: Batman
Out-Actor: Heath Ledger, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart
Verdict: Everyone made such a big deal about the job Heath Ledger did as the joker, that people sometimes forget how good the rest of the cast was. Bale was the sixth best actor in this movie and he still did a great job.

Movie: Public Enemies
Bale's Role: Melvin Purvis
Out-Actor: Johnny Depp
Verdict: This one was not even close. Johnny Depp kills it in Public Enemies.

1 comment:

  1. Hey asshole, you just missed more than half of his best movies. Nice troll, try again.